


Distance

by arielgryffinpuff



Series: Lovestrong [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, M/M, Season/Series 13, struggling relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 19:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17534441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielgryffinpuff/pseuds/arielgryffinpuff
Summary: After losing everyone at the end of 12x22, the boys were left struggling and not on the same level.Goes throughout season 13, relating to several episodes.Most chapters will take place after the episode, or of reflection of it, or in-between.





	1. 13x04

**Author's Note:**

> And I will make sure to keep my distance,  
> Say I love you when you're not listening  
> How long can we keep this up?
> 
> \- Distance, Christina Perri -

Dean goes to his brother’s room that night, both worried for him and still wanting to apologise, to make things right. He couldn’t stand the distance between them. But he knew he was to blame. He had basically ignored how their losses were affecting Sam as well, and hadn’t known how he had felt, especially about Mary, until the session with the shape-shifting therapist.

Sam tidied things away in his room and got changed into slacks for bed. Dean still seemed pretty morose, and they hadn’t really been…close, since…since. Since before Mary, and Cas and Crowley and Jack… He understood, he did, and he knows they’ll be alright, as brothers. But it might take longer this time to get through this, if they ever really do. Dean’s been acting selfishly, out of whack, driven by his loss and not seeing clearly. Sam’s not going to provoke him. It would be futile.

Dean knocks on the door and steps in Sam’s room.

“Hey,” he says uncertainly. Sam mostly ignores him.

“Er…Look, Sam,” Dean heaves a sigh. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been acting off lately, and I’ve been pretty rough with you, _and_ Jack, so…”

“Ok,” Sam shrugs, while still tidying away and not looking Dean in the eye.

“Ok then…” Dean says, sensing Sam wasn’t really in the mood for this right now. He didn’t know what else to say or do, and he didn’t wanna push Sam, and he wasn’t in the mood to argue, so he left.

This was a hard time for both of them. But Dean didn’t want to be this hostile with Sam for too long if they could help it. It really made him feel queasy for them to be like this, to act almost like strangers when they’re the complete opposite. But hopefully it wouldn’t last forever. It couldn’t.


	2. 13x06 & 13x09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13x06, which is when they got Cas back, and at the end of which Jack left.  
> After 13x09 but extending the time before Dean and Sam get sucked into the other world (or while they're still in the other world reflecting on what's happened, it doesn't really matter).

Sam was annoyed with Dean, even if it was partially out of pettiness. But Dean didn’t get that Sam understood his pain. He empathised, he _felt_ it. He was living _through_ it _right now_.

But he was fed up of Dean’s selfish behaviour. He found that he didn’t want to be near Dean. Through all his anger, Dean was just acting like a robot, auto-pilot. What happened with Kaia and Jack... With Cas back, it was a bit better, his mood wasn’t _as_ morose. But just as they got Cas back, Jack had gone… It seems with every win, there has to be a loss. It’s never in their favour.

He didn’t know how long it would take this time for them to come through again.

He slept in his own room and shut the door that night. Not that Dean would have come anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam woke up in a state, breathing hard and a cry on his tongue, fresh from the all-too-real memories of Hell. However many times it happened, he still wished for the good dreams that he was sometimes blessed with, or even the average weird dreams, or those embarrassing dreams that people would have about hooking up with co-workers – just something _normal_. He at least wished the nightmares wouldn’t feel as _long_ as they did. Felt like they were going on for days, or weeks. He just didn’t get used to it. But they had to endure this pain, the memories and the pain that came with it, the both of them.

He remembered a couple of times before with a nightmare similar to this one about Hell, he had touched his eye to make sure it was still there, that it felt normal, when remembering what Lucifer had done to him. It may be stupid, and it didn’t make him feel a whole lot better, but it was sometimes hard to get a grip on reality in their lives. Some dreams really shook him, and he just had to get a handle on what was going on in the here and now; how he could feel the cold sweat from his body through his pyjamas, the familiar feeling of his bed and darkness of his room.

But no Dean this time.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean didn't like it when Sam was disappointed in him. Of course he didn't. 

He couldn't think that he _wanted_ to threaten that girl, Kaia. But they didn't have another _choice_. Dean felt as if the walls were closing in around him, and there wasn't much time left, if he didn't get to them, to the other world, to Mary, _Mom_ , it would...Well, he would've failed.

He felt the familiar darkness inside him. Like an old friend. Ready to swallow him up, to do what needs to be done, to put on the mask and just own it. And yea, Sam was even more annoyed with him now than he had been before. But there were things more important than that at the moment.

Or that's what he thought.


End file.
